After I first began lifting weights and started getting pretty buff, I was ready for music camp. My mom was always trying to get me to go to camps. I hated going because I stuttered. I would have to introduce myself and stutter on my name, then they would think I’m either stupid or telling a joke, which for me amounted to the same thing. But Mom would make me go anyway. Though it was hard, today I am thankful for her kick out the door.
One of the last nights of music camp they built a bonfire. The flickering light emboldened me to strike up a conversation with one of the girls I had a crush on. Anna was as gorgeous as a 7th grader could be, and I suspected that she was interested in me too. But as we were trying keenly to entertain each other, another guy makes a move. He walks up and makes as if to join the discussion. At that moment I am saying something and stuttering heavily. He chimes in with a loud, dull voice, “st-st-st-st-stupid.”
Anger rises in me. Thoughts flutter in my brain. “He’s mocking me…my stuttering…he’s mocking me about stuttering in front of a hot girl…he’s small and annoying.” In a flash of rage, I see a vision of myself grabbing his belt buckle with my near arm, grabbing his collar with my other hand, pulling him towards me and, in one smooth motion, turning him upside down and throwing him into the fire. I lean towards him with my hands tense.
I pause. “Holy crap,” I think to myself, “I am going to kill this kid.”
I realized something about myself that day. I was now powerful enough to do real damage. A child can get mad, throw tantrums, and punch blindly with consequences amounting to a handful of bruises at most. But the tantrums of men can kill.
Anyway, though I didn’t throw him into the fire, I still got the little bastard. Anna was disgusted by him and sympathized with me. Stuttering always gets the girls.
This is another myth.
Also, I wanted to say thanks to all that responded, privately and publicly, to the “Loved in Hell” post. And in other news, Alicia gets back in less than 2 weeks!